Words of Wisdom: Vince King

Welcome back Ladies and Gentlemen to Graceland Ontario, your one stop location for success advice from the greats. My name’s Alex H. and today we're interviewing Vince King, a self-development video blogger from Los Angeles.

A: How's it going Vince?

So, let's start off with the age old question: when and why did you get into self-development? What was that moment when you went, "there's gotta be better than this and I'm gonna do whatever it takes to find out what it is"?

V: The first time I started actively trying to improve my life was when I was 17 years old. I stumbled upon the self help section in my local library and picked up Awaken The Giant Within by Anthony Robbins. I thought it looked so cheesy and
ridiculous. But inside he talked about how he transformed his life in a short amount of time and was living life on his own terms, and that got me started on actually figuring out what I wanted my life to be like and what I could do to get there. Looking back I don't think I really applied much of what he taught for at least a couple of years. But something that really got the ball rolling was when I decided that I was going to quit smoking after 5 years of that nonsense. I used something he teaches in that book called "neuro associative conditioning"; that worked incredibly well for me. Then after that it was like, "ok, now what else can I tackle that I didn't think I could before?" And from that point on I was hooked! I realized that I had the power to make decisions and stick to them.

A: Now that’s really impressive! Quitting smoking! Wow! I’ve read Awaken the Giant Within, too − fantastic book for those out there who haven’t checked it out.

Alright, what are some of the good things that have happened in your life since then?

V: I'm being the person I want to be and going after exactly what I want out of life. Every area of my life has got better in the past 5 years. My health, relationships, finances, emotions, spirituality, and general contentment with life has improved 100%. Not from reading a bunch of self help books, but from putting work into it and being persistent with my daily habits.

A: You bring up a great point: all the best knowledge in the world won’t do a damn thing if you don’t take action on it. Great stuff.

So, why did you start your video blogs?

V: Mainly for fun. I get a kick out of it and I like when people say they were helped or entertained by one of them. And also for practice for when I do something more high-end like a video program for overcoming social anxiety. But the Youtube videos are more of a stream of consciousness type thing.

A: It’s interesting you’d say that: I’m a huge supporter of the ‘you’ve got to enjoy you’re work to be good at it’ philosophy. I guess in a way you’re living proof of that. Awesome.

Oh, and I’d be glad to post a link to that video program when it comes out, too.

Next up, self development and success research is a huge field. What areas do you find yourself learning from and teaching the most?

V: Thought field therapy, NLP, hypnosis, and the law of attraction all play a big role.

A: Very good… We're all inspired by somebody. Who are your favourite speakers/ teachers? What people do you look up to? Why?

V: I'm inspired by people like Kevin Trudeau, Eben Pagan, Mark Droscoll, Eric Von Sydow, Owen Cook, and Anthony Robbins. Why? Because they are out there contributing massive amounts of value to people and giving their gift to the world. And that's a great combination if I've ever heard one.

A: Giving value and their gift… important stuff. I find a lot of people miss the whole giving side of things − it’s the path to fulfillment, man.

And, by the way, props to another Eben Pagan fan! That guy deserves all the recognition he can get.

Moving on, do you feel like you're more competent in areas that you would've previously avoided? Please explain.

V: Yes! Every area that I could possibly care to think of, especially my health. I used to treat my body like a dumpster and then not understand why I felt so crummy and low energy all the time. Without a doubt my biggest improvement and simultaneously my biggest point of power is my own health and fitness. It affects everything I do. It makes me think clearer, have more energy, get more stuff done, and generally feel more whole as a person. But this is a far cry from the me a short while ago that basically just couldn't care less. And didn't have a clue. I never knew that eating clean and working out would affect so many different areas of my life.

A: I also had a ‘nutrition revolution’ not that long back − it’s powerful! When you’re treating your body badly, it truly does splash over into the rest of you life.

Right, what are your tips for people to build confidence?

V: Tips for building confidence? I’ve got a great one:

When you wake up in the morning, immediately begin imagining yourself going through the day ahead of you. Only this time instead of behaving in a way that communicates a lack of confidence, see yourself walking with a sense of swagger and ease. Hear yourself confidently speaking your mind and the positive ways that people react to your new and improved personality. Watch as you see yourself speaking up in those key meetings and really being a key focal point in the group discussion. And have fun with this. Imagine you’re a kid again and you can create whatever you want from scratch. The way you act. The way you dress. The kinds of things you talk about. See yourself behaving and feeling the ways that you want to behave and feel with intense precision and clarity as if it were a super HD movie being played inside the screen of your mind.

Do this for about 5 minutes and then get on with your day. If you do this for 2 weeks straight you will have planted in your mind a new set of instructions that it can now work on unconsciously finding ways to bring these new ideal behaviors to the surface, and will quietly work on this without you even knowing it in the deep unconscious of your mind. And don't skip even one morning of this exercise for 2 weeks and really get into the imagining of it to give your mind a clear and vivid depiction of yourself behaving in your new ideal way. For extra credit, and even better results do a nighttime session for another 5 minutes right before going to bed. This will ensure you fully saturate you unconscious mind for maximum development.

This technique is extremely powerful not only for changing your self image, but also for things like competitive sports and musical performances; many of the top Olympic athletes use this on a daily basis and is a key tenant of their training regiment because it allows you to, even though your not doing the sport at that moment, still rehearse it in your mind and create more neural pathways in your brain to do that thing even better next time.

A: I’d heard exercises like that mentioned before, Vince, from both Arnold Schwarzenegger and Tony Robbins but not this one exactly. I’m gonna give it a try: it sounds cool.

Ok, how about creating a meaningful life?

V: One of the best things you can do is a technique I call the "Birds Eye View" that makes it easy to get a grasp where you're standing in relation to having the most abundant and meaningful life you could possibly create.

Take out a clean sheet of paper and draw a big circle. Now, inside the circle divide it into 5 parts like you're dividing a pie into 5 slices. Then around the circle write "Relationships, Money, Health, Career, and Emotions." Ask yourself, "where am I on a scale of 1 to 10 with my personal relationships?" Ten being absolute perfection, and 1 being total dysfunction.

Now draw the on the pie slice for that category where that number would be. If you decided you're relationships were about a 7 then draw a line about 70% from the middle of that pie slice. Now decide where you are on a scale of 1 to 10 in each of those areas. By the end of this exercise you'll clearly see what parts of you're life are excellent, and what could use some improvement.

Then ask yourself, "which one of these areas am I most dissatisfied with?" If you said money, now ask yourself, "How can I make this better? How can I improve this? How do I really want this area of my life to be? And go on to formulate a plan on how you could get that area to improve by a full number.

This works well because if you focus on taking your finances from 5 to a 6, that's something you can believe in and make happen fast. Conversely if you focus on taking it from a 5 to a 9 that's a lot harder for your brain to compute and believe that it can achieve. Focus on getting to the first level up, and then you will build the confidence to take it to a 9 in no time.

Doing this exercise and looking at it often is great because it keeps you focused on "how can I make this better?" And you'll find that your mind presents you with new and unique solutions to what you previously may have considered a dead end

A: Yet another great exercise I hadn’t heard about! You do bring up a major point, though: you’ve got to improve, as you said in your exercise, one number at a time. In general, if you try anything too drastic, you probably won’t be able to sustain it. Great tip, Vince.

Alright, one more question… You ready?

What is your definition of success?

V: The best definition of success I've ever heard comes from a guy named Earl Nightingale. He had the very first gold selling self-help record back in the 1950's. He said, "Success… is the progressive realization of a worthy ideal." I like that because it means even if you’re just making small incremental progress towards your ideal life, you're already successful.

A: Thanks very much, Vince, for being on the show. Where can we hear more stuff from you?

V: You Can Check Out My Blog Here: http://socialanxietytricks.blogspot.com/

You Can Watch My Youtube Videos Here:
https://www.youtube.com/user/steeltoetoyourthroat

And if you have any questions, comments, concerns, or just want some advice on how you can take control and overcome social anxiety without medication or therapy, email me at vince@eliteinnergame.com.

Graceland Ontario Interview: Alex Hilson to Vince King, February 15, 2013


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You're Good!

Helloo0O Ladies and Gentlemen!

Welcome back to Graceland Ontario, your one stop location for success advice from the greats. Today, we’re doing a post about moving past the fear of failure (dedicated to my brother, who’s birthday it is today).

So, as you may or may not know, I am a musician as well a writer (and, man, I don’t think you can have better occupations than those). And I perform all over the place − with my brother. But we all have to start somewhere.

I remember a couple years ago being backstage at a school Talent Show. Everyone was going green in the face, looking like Macbeth when he realized his overconfidence would be his ruin. Guitarists suddenly lost mastery of their instrument, singers’s voices died, dancers started getting cramps.

And, like many, I began tapping my feet and fidgeting, as I always do when I’m freaking out.

So, I started talking to my brother. I’ll tell you, I was a senior and it was his first Talent Show. What’s more, he was brand new to the school. But it didn’t matter. He was standing there, as calm as can be.

I said, “well, it’s a big crowd. Don’t get your hopes too high.” All the usual crap you’ll start saying when you’re about to do a show. And you’re scared.

But my brother nearly lost his temper, “so what? It’s a show? You’ve played them before, haven’t you?!”

I wasn’t convinced. “But these are high school students. They’re harder to impress than some.”

“Whatever.”

I tried one last time to freak him out. “But look at everyone else around − they’re all scared”.

And God be thanked he didn’t bite my nose off. “And they’re acting like idiots! We’ve practiced this a million times. And we’re good. Calm down!”

And you know, I did. Long enough to perform the number. Long enough to stand through the judging. And would you believe it, we won third place. My brother, first year in the school, had accomplished what I’d never done by myself in all the years previous.

So, what am I saying? Take it easy when you’ve got to perform, for a show, for a business presentation, when you’re talking about something uncomfortable with a family member. If you’ve played smart, you’ve practiced a ton of times and you’re prepared. If not, you’ve got to do your best anyways, and freakin’ out won’t help.

After all, as my bro said, you’re good. It’s only a matter of telling the people at the other side of the table that. And you’ve only gotta relax and speak with passion to get that settled.

Thanks for reading, talk to you later, and happy birthday, bro!

Alex H.

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They Were There When You Were Born

How’s it going Ladies and Gentlemen?

Welcome back to Graceland Ontario, your one stop location for success advice from the greats. Today we’re going to talk about the importance of family.

So, this was not a completely unwarranted post; in my province of Ontario (in the fair country of Canada) we have a provincial holiday today called “Family Day”. Given that, this post seems obvious.

But, to a lot of people, the importance of family is not obvious.

Many people build horrible relationships with their parents, siblings, aunts and uncles. Maybe it’s because of their relative’s outspoken view on politics (which they feel they can spout on you at any given time, their prefab audience). Maybe it’s because when you told them your ambitions they responded with a knee-jerk “It’ll never work… go to school and get a real job”. They have what Dr. Wayne Dyer calls “memes”, mind viruses that they just can’t wait to pass onto you (“money is limited”, “anyone who’s successful is simply lucky”, “you can never accomplish your dream”).

So, you throw the coffee away with the old kettle; you assume that because your family can be a huge hindrance to your growth that you should not associate with them.

Now, there is some logic to this; if you stay away from those who are babbling stupid, negative perspectives, you will keep more focused on accomplishing your goals. That being said, your family does have one thing going for it.

Unconditional love for you.

Now, you can get this from a good friend or an endearing relationship but no one gives it better than your Mum or Dad.

I mean, some people have horrible families who are legitimately dangerous. I’m not talking about those people (you can stay as far away as you like from those). But many family members mean well in general. They only say the things they do because they love you, because they feel you should care for them as they do for you. And sometimes this is a bit of chore. But let me tell you something.

I remember the day my brother came home from the hospital. My Mum came over to me − I was only three years old − and said, “whatever happens, whoever you meet, however you end up, you’ve got him − a friend for life”.

And you know, more often than not, it’s been true. I’ve been on some rocky seas. Hell, my boat just about got turned into siding for the seabed. But whenever something went horrible, my family’s there. Not because they supported my dream, not because they agreed with what had crashed down upon me. They cared because I was of their bloodline, a relative. And a good family provides the best trampoline you could wish for when you’re falling head first from the top of an apartment building. Even if they didn’t (and still don’t) believe you can be a superstar at your work.

Now, what I’m saying is this: love your family, whoever they are, whatever they think. Most of the time they’ll love you whatever you do. If you know it’s not going to go over too well, you don’t have to tell them your plans. It might not be to your benefit. But their love, the confidence they put in you, will always be of use. Especially when you’ve been hurt, especially when others don’t believe in you.

Especially when you aren’t even sure to believe in yourself.

Love your family, have a great day, talk to you later.

Alex H.

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The Karate Kid Love Lesson

Helloo0O Ladies and Gentlemen!

Welcome back to Graceland Ontario, your one stop location for success lessons from the greats. Today, in the spirit of Valentine’s Day, talk about love and balance.

So, believe it or not, I’d never seen The Karate Kid, that legendary 80’s movie, until a couple days ago. Contrary to what I thought, it fit into Valentine’s Day better than I thought with Daniel Laruso (Ralph Macchio), the protagonist, going off with Ali Mills (Elizabeth Shue) − of course, Daniels’s arch-enemy’s ex.

There’s one scene when the boy’s all but given up on her. He’s celebrating his birthday with his mentor, Mr. Miyagi (Noriyugi “Pat” Morita), says that everything in life gets better with balance, alluding that getting Ali back will do this.

Now that’s powerful; many people are of the assumption that either you don’t need a significant other or that without them you’re nothing. I’m somewhere in between − sure, the lover might increase the quality of your life but you can live without them.

That being said, you (the success seeker you are) should settle for nothing less than the best life you can possibly get. And finding someone to share it with just makes everything a little sweeter.

Now, I’m not making a case for marriage here (nor am I for the swinger). I’m not saying you should rush into a situation where you’re in a relationship with someone you hate. What I am saying is that if you haven’t got a significant other, getting one (providing they’re good with your dreams and aspirations) can, as Mr. Miyagi put it, put everything into place. And if you’re running away from people who might make great partners if you weren’t scared, you’re doing yourself a disservice.

Now, if you have got a wonderful person to share life with, congrats! You’re doing well. But if not, you can always:

Say something to a stranger

I ask people for their emails all the time. If you like the person, see if you can meet up with them somewhere else. If they give you the hots but are taken, at least you might be able to meet one of their cool single friends, or…

Get an online dating profile

There are some good systems these days on how to do this well. Online dating profiles put you together with people that you know are single and have something in common with you, saving you the time of wasting a date with a person you’d never want to know intimately. And they’re easy to set up. I’ve heard very positive reviews − might not be a bad strategy for you if you’re single and looking.

Have a great Valentine’s day and talk to you next week!

Alex H.

 

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Mean What You Say

Helloo0O Ladies and Gentlemen!

Welcome back to Graceland Ontario, your one stop blog for success lessons from the greats! Today we’re going to talk about being clear in business and life.

Now, I don’t know about you but seeing sports teams and shows live are expensive in Canada (besides I’m generally busy) so I don’t go for things like that too often. That being said, when I get an opportunity offered to me next to the beans and gravy, I’m not too quick to turn it down (providing I can fit it into my schedule).

So, not too long ago, the Harlem Globetrotters were visiting Toronto, a city not too far from where I live. I’d heard of them, not too much at the time, but it was still pretty cool. And to add, I, being a Scout Leader, was offered discounted tickets for moi and famille. Too good to be true, huh?

But, I still wasn’t sure about going so I waited (I’ll write about this later) until the last minute. The final day on the form had approached. Finally, I went hell, let’s go, faxed it in to the sports centre where the Trotters were playing and waited for email confirmation.

Only thing was it never came.

So, I emailed the major sports centre the next day. An hour or so later they got back to me (prompt service) saying that as far as they were concerned, because we’d faxed them in after their box office had closed (even though we’d gotten them in on the final day they’d specified), they weren’t going to honour the deal. Of course, we could still buy tickets from the regular box office.

So we missed the show and they lost out on tickets and a potential customer who would never see a show on his own choosing unless being offered a deal.

And it’s not because I’m cheap − I have better things to do with that money. If you’re going to make it worth my while, sure I’ll buy from you. But if I’m typically not interested, I’m certainly not going to buy on a regular day.

Here’s the message of the story: sure, I should’ve got the tickets in earlier, BUT if the sports centre had said on the form “Don’t even bother sending this after 5pm, when our box office closes on Friday” I would’ve either sent them earlier or made other plans. But when it says send by this date and you do, then you expect some tickets.

Otherwise, you feel like you’ve been cheated.

Be upfront with your customers, business associates, family members and friends. When you say a date, mean THAT date. Don’t mean when the box office closes, don’t mean if it’s a good day, mean what you say. Because I sure as hell thought I had till 11:59pm and their lack of writing otherwise on the form made me feel like I was tricked.

And unsurprisingly, me and others alike don’t like buying things again from people they feel tricked them.

You never know − they might be bloggers who'll tell the world about it afterwards!

Talk to you next week!

Alex H.

 

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Storm of the Century

How’s it going, guys and gals?

Well, if you live in the Great Lakes area (give a couple latitudinal points here and there), it might not be so well. We’re getting a hell of a snow storm around these parts… it started yesterday and is meant to break a couple records.

And you should read what the papers and weather channels are saying about it; it’s gonna be the worst storm in years, a mega-storm, it’s all over after twelve noon.

Sure, they have a right − it’s not going to be a pretty day. But, that storm’s still coming.

And, guess what? If you live in the area it’s going to touch, there’s just about nothing you can do about what the weather will bring.

You can clean up afterwards, you can acknowledge the trouble it might cause you, you can prepare for it. But when it’s grease to frying pan time, you’ve got to work around it.

And however bad it is, you’re going to end up living through it and having to deal with it.

It bugs me (or makes me laugh) when media sources and people in positions of authority say disturbing things like those mentioned above (no offence to media sources or people in positions of authority). They’re right and we should appreciate the facts they have to give us.

But that’s where it should end − the facts. The big titles, the record-breaking damage it’ll cause, the witty slogans of doom, they’re all unnecessary.

And people who pay too much attention to them end up wasting time and energy they could be using to do something productive.

Today could be a nightmare − you might not be able to make it into work, it could be even worse where you are than where I am. And, depending on how bad it is, it could mean a lot of extra work for you (the benefits of living in a cold country − I suppose at least I don’t have to worry about tsunamis). But you’re going to have to deal with it realistically, not with all the elaboration. As Shakespeare wrote in Hamlet, “more matter with less art”.

Do yourself a favour and get on with the work that needs to be done. Exaggerating the worst won’t make it better. But it might throw your mindset and make it harder to deal with the inevitable. The bad is bad, no doubt about it. But making the best use of what you have is what it takes to be successful. That’s what all the big athletes, movie-stars, singers and CEOs used, one day at a time, to get where they are.

And you’re as good as any of them are.

Talk to you next week!

Alex H.

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Fun or No Fun?

Helloo0O Ladies and Gentlemen!

Welcome back to Graceland Ontario, your one stop location for success advice. Today, we’re going to be talking about fun and how it applies on the job site.

I just finished What they Don’t Teach You at Harvard Business School by Mark McCormack, the founder of IMG (International Management Group), the largest independent producer and distributor of televised sports media. If you get a chance to purchase the book, it’s money well spent.

 

But there was a disagreement I had with the book: McCormack says that in his offices, he didn’t allow talking or making friends − works for work, he says.

On the other hand, Richard Branson, the founder of Virgin, a multibillion dollar corporation, used to have end of week parties all the time at his house before the company grew too big to contain his employees anymore (and even now he holds events for managers and recognized employees).

So, fun or no fun? It seems to be a personal decision. When people work, they do need to get work done − fun or not. But to me, letting people have fun, therefore enjoying their job more, will keep those people’s loyalty even if the company has financial trouble. They won't want their job to end (they were having a good time after all) so they're more likely to deal with windy weather with a smile on their face than the person who hates coming to work.

Sure a job is serious… but no one ever said that seriousness was an excuse for making your employees’s life a tragedy. As long as your people are producing and your business is making a profit, why not have an end-of-week party at the boss’s house? You see each other everyday, you might as well enjoy your time together.

See you next week!

Alex H.

 

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A Lighter Wallet

Welcome back, friends! 

Thanks for checking out Graceland Ontario, your one stop location for success tips and other useful stuff. Today, we're going to talk about dealing with things you have no control over.

Up here in Canada the penny ceased being given as change this Monday. And, you know, I understand the official reasons why: it costs too darn much.

But that doesn’t make me feel any happier. Maybe growing up with it and being sentimental about small things make me think it was the wrong decision.

But, this is one of those cases when the problem lies outside of my circle of influence (in my circle of unfluence) − unless I attempt getting into politics and fighting the penny back into Canadian money, there’s nothing I can do.

Painful though it is to write that.

A lot of people focus on things like this that pop up in the news − incidents they don’t approve of, maybe even impact them directly. But they don’t have a way of fighting back or creating any action to change it.

Sure, I could write a petition, I could stand outside Parliament Hill (where our Federal Government’s housed), but I’ve got things I want to do with my life that take priority. Though I think it would be a cool initiative, I have priorities that prevent me from being “The Man Who Saved the Penny”.

But what do others do? They still complain, they still whine. For me? I immediately start ignoring problems I can’t help. I mean, why worry about what you can’t change?

With fights that you can take up the banner and help − things in your own life, goals you want to achieve − go get ‘em!

But, if there’s really nothing you can do (or nothing you can do without losing focus and hurting your vision), why hurt yourself worrying? It certainly won’t improve the situation and it might even take productivity away from stuff you should be achieving.

Talk to you later!

Alex H.

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The Beef with Ground Hog Day

So, today is Groundhog Day… nothing wrong with that. It’s a fun day, one that I enjoy immensely. Since Kindergarten, I’ve always liked guessing whether Punxsutawney Phil will see his shadow or not and how long the winter will, in theory, stretch on. And, to top it all off, it inspired a verrry good film of the same title starring Bill Murray (one of my heroes… if you haven’t seen it, do yourself a favour and get a copy − my Mum, a Murray-hater, even loved it).

But I do get a tad annoyed with people’s response to the day.

Now, I know I might be about to kick a landmine, but hear me out.

For some people, Groundhog Day is a very serious event. They get up early, checking the news channels, listening to radio stations, waiting for a sign.

People are so desperate to be told what the future is going to be like, they’ll even seek advice from a groundhog. The thing is, whether he sees his shadow or not doesn’t matter.

I’ll go one step further − if the winter stretches on for six more weeks or twenty, it shouldn’t matter either.

And, contrary to what you may be thinking now, it isn’t because the tradition lacks merit.

Heck, maybe Mr. Groundhog can sense how long winter will stretch on − maybe he’s right. I’m certainly not questioning his season-reading abilities.

It’s that both he and the six weeks of winter are external factors. Whether it snows for longer or not, your plans shouldn’t be altered. You shouldn’t be disappointed either way, even if you do believe in the shadow-sighting theory.

You are responsible for your life − the more responsible you are, the more you’ll feel like you’re at the wheel of your destiny, in charge and confident of it. The more you give away control to a groundhog, your spouse or even your boss, you’re gradually losing ground to the world outside your circle of influence. And you’re losing the deep value you receive for earning a life well lived.

So, don’t take offense, Punxsutawney Phil; you’re certainly not the problem. Nor are you, Mother Winter. But you, dear reader, may be… take responsibility for as much as you possibly can. You’ll feel better for it − extra winter or not.

Talk to you next week!

Alex H.

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The Only Disability

Welcome back, Graceland Ontarians!

Check out this video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Wd89IydtXyk

This video was sent to me this morning, it was posted yesterday and now I’m paying it forward.

With all the hype about the upcoming Super Bowl, for some of you this may be a timely post.

 

Coach John Harbaugh of the Baltimore Ravens received an email from a fan the other day entitled “A Reason to Win”. Inside, he read about Mathew Jeffers − a senior acting major at Townsend State University and Ravens supporter.

 

Mathew, at 21, is 4’2”, has enduring over twenty surgeries and has a mother with a stage four brain tumour. He realizes life isn’t fair.

 

But despite all the pain he’s gone through, he also realizes that life doesn’t care how sorry you feel about yourself. It only responds to a positive attitude, to pushing forward even when you feel you’ve had enough, even when you’ve lost your last couple games − even when your mother’s dieing.

His message: The Only Disability in Life is a Bad Attitude.

Instead of the Ravens focusing on how bad things have gone, he encourages them to look on the bright side, like him, and keep pushing to win.

 

I don’t know what you’re going through, I don’t know the pain you’ve suffered, I can’t understand where you are in your life but one thing’s for sure − Mathew’s advice is good. It is solid. And you’d be wise to take it.

 

Good luck to the Ravens, good fortune to Mathew Jeffers and his message and good will to you… keep thinking positive.

 

See you next week!

 

Alex H.

 

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